Some time ago, I wrote a post called “Simple Thoughts from the Lunchroom.” This is my apology and reflection about that piece.

I immediately started getting some feedback telling me my privilege was showing. I took the post down so that I could try to reflect on this without further comments saying the same thing getting my hackles up (I suck at not getting defensive, but I know this so I try to correct for it).

It has been well over a month, if not two, since I wrote that post. I promised honest and thoughtful reflection and, for those who asked, an accounting of just where the privilege was sneaking in. My bio on the Author page notes that I am not as good at thoughtful analyses as Chrissy. There often seems to be a disconnect between the keyboard and what I think I’m saying. Usually I just go with it and try to correct when I get constructive criticism, but I am writing from a privileged perspective on this blog. I can’t just let it slide anymore. I vow to take more time to critically analyse what I’ve said/written from this point forward.

Now that I’ve gotten that bit of the defensive “I meant well, I just suck at writing” bit out of the way… It is time for me to get down to the nitty-gritty. Ultimately, the biggest problem with the post was this (which I’m quoting from below the jump):

I knew nothing about this woman, and I simply used her and the fact that she was fat and eating a classically-demonized food like Wendy’s to paint a story onto her.

That’s the privilege, there, folks, in case you were wondering.

There was more that I did not do well, at all, and so if you want to read through some of my thoughts about it and where I think I messed up or could have done better, please continue. The original post, in all its sloppy glory, with my thoughts and statements about it made inline, below the jump.

Simple Thoughts from the Lunchroom

An update that will clarify a bit of this post: I’m currently doing summer research at the University of Michigan.

So, on Thursday I ate lunch in the University’s student union. There is a Wendy’s, a Subway, a Mrs. Field’s, a fruit smoothie place, and a convience store, for food. I’ve been eating Subway at least every other day, it seems, since I got here, so I went for Wendy’s.

A while after I sat down to eat, another lady came and sat at a table near me. She’d gotten Subway. She was also fat. And I found myself wondering if she got Subway because that’s what she felt like eating, or because she was worried about what other people would think if she ate at Wendy’s – something I, as a thin person, do not have to worry about.

This paragraph does not say what I wanted to say, and comes off as very… condescending, at best. I see, now, that this is very much offensive. I will avoid this, in the future.

A related thought that came to me while I was eating this same meal was, “What happens when Fatties are denied service at, for example, Wendy’s because of the vendor’s ‘conscience’?” à la birth control and pharmacists. Scary thought, no? They’re already in that zone to an extent with social services taking children away from parents because of “concern” about fat.

With respect to the FA movement, I am like a man with respect to the feminist movement. So I am pretty sure that it is not okay (based on how I feel about allies interacting with those more intrisically related) for me to use the term “Fatties.” I capitalized it to emphasize that I was trying to use it in the non-negative sense that so many FA bloggers use it, but… It kinda squicked me back when I wrote it, and I am especially unnerved by it now, as I ponder how much more lurking I need to do. I think it would be much more appropriate for me to have written “fat people.” It is accurate. It forces me not to skirt around a term that I find uncomfortable. It is, as far as I can tell from the FA blogosphere reading that I do, acceptable to the community when done well-intentionedly. And it does not convey the sense of familiarity that “Fatties” does, which as a new ally and not a direct member of the group, I don’t feel that I’ve yet earned the right to use. I need to spend a lot more time learning, and even then, maybe not. Maybe I could use it in a one-on-one with Chrissy, but it’s not appropriate for an Internet discussion, where I am unable to establish conversation boundaries with each of our readers.

Also, way for me to minimize the seriousness of health care and social service discrimination. “…to an extent…” It’s not “to an extent.” It’s the whole frickin’ extent! This is becoming an ever more serious problem in countries around the world. Ahem, Japan? Or freaking Alabama?!

The feminist in me also wants to comment on how a fat construction worker dude (of whom there were many in the union) wouldn’t get or give a second thought for eating at Wendy’s – it’s dudely not to care for your health. But thank goodness, this has been covered ad nauseum thanks to the recent Hungry-Man issue, so I can just provide links and give my fingers a break.

^_^

This last bit was addressed in one of the two comments that this post received before I took it down, and I’ll talk about it there.

Comment #1, by Mary

You are right that some fat people feel self-conscious when eating in public, and I appreciate this post, but I disagree with a couple of your points.

First, I think you may have been feeling upset on that woman’s behalf unnecessarily. A fat person isn’t any more likely to prefer Wendy’s over Subway than you are, and Subway isn’t necessarily healthier than Wendy’s anyway — it all depends on what you order. So I’m not sure what led you to suspect that the woman ordered Subway because she felt inhibited from going to Wendy’s.

And second, although I won’t deny that fat women face some pressures and hassles that fat men don’t, I think we have to be careful not to invalidate the prejudice that fat men do experience.

I absolutely agree with your general point, though, and I look forward to a day when fat people can do whatever they want in public without facing moralistic judgment from others.

Comment #2, by Kristie

It’s entirely possible she didn’t give a thought to eating at Subway, but I find it interesting that you DID give a thought to her eating there. While you came at it from a compassionate point of view, the fact of the matter was, you were still questioning and judging a fat person’s dining choices, and the rationale thereof, as if there were ample room to question the idea that she made a conscious, fully self-actualized choice for herself, just as you did in choosing Wendy’s. Something to think about.

I agree with effectively everything the commenters said. I thought I was saying those things in the post, when I wrote it, and I obviously wasn’t. Again, I like to hope that a lot of the legitimate criticisms that the commenters had were spawned more from my bad writing than from anything else. I meant to write the original post as a sort of factual allegory – one anecdote to describe a broader range of that. I didn’t do that and DID end up writing a post that focused on one woman’s eating habits, to the neglect of her humanity. In a sense, I used this one woman as an unwitting example to pontificate on my own S-M-R-Tness. Look at me! I understand that fat hate impacts our lives in many ways, big and small! Don’t I deserve a cookie?!

I knew nothing about this woman, and I simply used her and the fact that she was fat and eating a classically-demonized food like Wendy’s to paint a story onto her.

That’s the privilege, there, folks, in case you were wondering.

As for the fat men thing. You are right. It IS important, very important, not to invalidate the prejudice that fat men experience. I could have addressed this a lot better in my original post. That paragraph was as cold and unthinking as the rest of the post. On the other hand, I think it is important to note that, for future posts, I support the feminist principle that when discussing an issue that disproportionately affects women (which body issues DO), making sure to add the clause that “this hurts men, too” is not high on the priority list.

I would love to end this with some great, thought-provoking self-revelation. But I don’t have one. I have privilege. I’m trying to unpack it. Thanks for putting up with me! ^_^