I’ve been extremely busy lately, and therefore very stressed, which in turn has made me feel pretty icky about myself. I’ve come to accept the fact that no matter how self-confident I feel, there will be days that I am going to hate my body, hate my fat, and think I’m ugly. It’s like a bad hair day. Today I had a bad fat day. I feel fat and ugly, like my pants don’t fit, and like everyone is judging me for being so heavy. I consumed a ton of cookies in the Cafeteria in honor of my bad fat day, and that just made me feel fatter. I think I hit bottom a bit today.
But, I realized it didn’t control my day. Yes, the few moments I’ve had to myself, I’ve felt gross and ugly, but I still had a ton of fun with my friends (playing Soul Calibur, the best video game on the planet), I still had a great Documentary class (where we met a great filmmaker, Kirsten Kelly), and I still got a lot done. I think it’s okay for me to have these days, and recognize them. Working through them will only make me stronger, right?
So, today’s a bad fat day. But tomorrow, is Fun Cone Friday! I’m on the Junior Graduation Committee at my university and tomorrow we’re having our first fundraiser–we’re selling sno cones in front of the library for only 50 cents a piece! It’ll be great! I’m both nervous and excited about it (because I volunteered to set up the whole thing), and I hope it’ll make us some money for our efforts. Yay!
And then, it’s the weekend, when I’ll have time to edit my documentary project and hang out with my friends! Who’s excited!
So, tomorrow will be a better day. That’s all I’m thinking about today. Tomorrow will be better.