I just took down my post “Simple Thoughts from the Lunchroom”. A couple people commented on it and pointed out how condescending and just generally privileged I was being, and I agree with them. I’ve taken it down so that no one else has to put up with my crap until I figure out how to apologize.

Sorry. 😦


9 thoughts on “Notice

  1. I don’t need you to feel bad; it was a learning opportunity, and it seems you’ve considered and learned. That’s all any of us can do, but many choose not to, so I applaud you. I think it’s awesome that thin people are warriors in the FA movement, because the same things that oppress one group oppress all groups to some degree. But as in any movement where you are an ally, it’s important to resist the temptation of pitying your comrades in arms, imagining their sad lot in life when it may not be sad at all. I am fat, but that doesn’t make me a victim you need to feel sorry for. The whole point of FA, and self-acceptance on the whole (for me, anyway), is that weight, gender, race, sexual orientation, and any of the things that make us seemingly diferrent, become non-issues, and not at all remarkable.

  2. I read the initial post and, because it is still in my reader feed, I just reread it.
    Would you mind showing where people thought you were condescending and privileged?

    Isn’t one of the points of blogs to stimulate conversation? You were being honest.

    I have been in your shoes and wondered the same thing. But i have also been in the other shoes and have gotten one thing when I might have wanted something else that might have appeared less healthy. (This is one thing I don’t do anymore. I eat what I want.) We live in a society where people judge others based on what’s on their plates, as wrong as this is. I didn’t take it as you were doing that.

    Please, I don’t want anyone to take offense to my reply, I just want to understand.

  3. There are definitely places where I was those things, and to some extent part of it is just my poor writing. I promise I’ll lay it all out in my apology/reflection.

  4. Um…yeah, another one not seeing the condescension.

    It’s just plain *true* that people judge us by what we eat, more so for those of us who are not thin.

    Heck, I eat what I want all the time, and yesterday I caught myself buying two things from the Whole Foods deli, eating one of them in the seating area inside the store, and then, since there were two thin girls sitting at the next table, taking the other one with me and eating in in the parking lot sitting in my car.

  5. I thought your post identified where you felt privelaged in the first place and that kind of seemed like the point. I think those sorts of things all the time. About the thin and the fat. Look… we have to examine ALL our thoughts in order to become better people/a better society. We can’t just show off our lovely, liberal, pc thoughts so everyone will applaud you.

    I didn’t see a problem with your post. Even if I did, I’d like to see a discussion, not censorship.

  6. I WILL be putting the old post back up. Just not until I’ve had more time to reflect and to talk to Chrissy and to make sure I do a better job writing, as some of the things I thought I made clear before were obviously not.

    It’s been a long-standing writing problem of mine to under-emphasize the main points I mean to make. I guess writing for this blog will finally force me to work on that. 🙂

    I don’t want to see censorship either. Thus the post going back up later. On the other hand, if more comments had continued to come in, I would have felt more pressure to respond quickly – resulting in less-than-quality answers on my part. This isn’t my blog. Therefore I want to make sure I give it better work than I give to my own. For me, that takes some time. Time to write and rewrite, time to go through a multitude of reactions, etc. Also the time to tear myself away from the great fantasy novel I picked up recently!

    Thanks all.

  7. Michele, I am glad you asked! There is a post at Tekanji’s blog that, for me, has the best explanation of what “privilege” is, in this context.

    But here is my quick explanation. Having privilege is a good thing for me, in that it gives me benefits I would not otherwise have. But it is bad because I did not earn it and it blinds me to the struggles, thoughts, and feelings of other people who do not have, for example, thin-body privilege like I do.

    As a result, because I have never experienced life as a fat person, I was blind to the potentially-harmful impact of my words. I am still coming to terms with my struggle with this. Thanks for posting your comment, as it is motivation for me to sit down and write the internal growth/struggle I’ve been working through.

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