The Truth: Sometimes I Need Help

I’ve spent a long time away from this blog. Nearly a year. The thing is, I still open it daily. I look at my header, think about writing a new post. I visit when I get the occasional new comment to approve it. But I haven’t posted here in months.

And what really gets to me is that there’s no reason. I stopped for absolutely no reason. I still keep up with the FA community. I still write about body acceptance, feminism, and other issues that would be fitting to discuss here. But I stopped posting.

I think there comes a time in everyone’s life when they go through an off year. For me, this year has held some of my worst moments, and some of my best. I’ve experienced unemployment and having to live with my parents. I’ve taken temp jobs and finished temp jobs. I’ve moved in with friends. I’ve gotten into grad school. I’ve done a lot, and missed a lot of opportunities.

But, throughout all the good and bad, I think I’ve somehow lost my self-esteem, my confidence.

I find that’s my biggest issue nowadays. Having graduated from undergrad, I stopped having a method of measurement for my happiness. Grades have no relevance now. My friends have scattered. There are no more awards to win. I don’t have a job to be successful at. I’ve had nothing to help me feel accomplished.

And thus, I started to feel bad. Bad about myself, my body, my laziness. I started to believe that I’ve been deluding myself all these years into thinking I was something, someone. I’ve given up, in many ways. Completely given up.

Lately, it hasn’t been as bad. Moving in with friends boosted me up. I started laughing a lot more, crying a lot less. I started recovering myself. I started writing again, researching my obsessions, cooking. I’ve gotten a lot better. There’s something about surrounding yourself with positive people that makes you feel positive. It makes you believe that if they can see the good in you, there must actually be some. I’m getting better.

And so, here’s the truth: sometimes I need help. Sometimes I need you all to remind me why I should keep posting, why I should keep believing in this. Why I should have confidence in myself as a fat woman. I hope to come back here. It’s about time I post here again. I need to get my head back in the game, and take back my body, my mind, my spirit. This is a call for help as much as it’s a thank you for your support. This is my return, my second chance.

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Update

I’ve been pitiful at updating, and I’m sorry about that! The last time I really posted was, I think, Election Night? Realllly pitiful. So Sorry, dear readers.

I guess I wanted to just post a quick update on my life. Things have been extremely busy. I think I mentioned before that I was working on a documentary on the Ann Arbor, MI-based folk band, The Chenille Sisters, for my senior thesis? Well, it’s done for the time being. I stayed over Winter Break and worked for three weeks straight (8 hours a day, 5 days a week) to get some work done. I had a brief week off with my family, and then I was back for another quarter at school. I still had a lot to do on the documentary, and it was due three weeks into the term. It’s done, now. And I passed with Honors! WOO!

Now, of course, I have ten thousand other things to do. I’m taking two writing classes by my own choice (Creative Nonfiction and Screenwriting), and the last of my Political Science classes. I don’t even believe anymore that I’m a Political Science major! Well, to top it all off, we also have to take Comprehensive Exams for Political Science. Those are this Tuesday and Thursday. So, after this week, I’ll be done with all significant academics for a while!

Hopefully that means I’ll have some time to devote to blogging again. But, alas, right now I’m just too busy! If it puts anything in perspective, my sister has been calling me all week, and I haven’t yet had the chance to call her back because I’ve been spending so much time studying. So please forgive me, everyone!

Now, back to studying.

Holy Twizzle Sticks, Batman! That’s a lotta troll spittle!

I’ve put all the troll comments in moderation, because it seems they’re taking my blog as an open post for them to write absolutely inane things on. I’ll probably mark them all as spam soon. Mostly because they’re taking up space in my inbox, and being rude to people who respect the blog! I might be putting all comments on moderation for a little while. Sorry if this is inconvenient to yall!

Oh, and to our dear troll friends: Jamie and I find it soooo funny when you all make fun of us as a unit, considering that she is thin thin thin, and I am teh fat. It puts into perspective (as if we needed it) exactly how little you know about us!

Oh you trolls. You make me laugh so hard! At least Tara (who, btw, made an appearance on the last post!! Haha!) was semi-intelligent, even though she was anti-fat.

Any more suggestions on how to control the spittle from these trolls is still welcome! But for now, I’m thinking of just sending them some twelve inch subs so they find it hard to click buttons and type.

Burying the Trolls

Yesterday and today, Jiggly Bits was up on WordPress’ “Growing Blogs” page (in the second spot!! Thanks everyone who’s visited!!), and I’ve gotten a stream of trolls, mostly on our “About the Authors” page, and my Poetry Collection. When I got my first troll, the infamous Tara, I took this stance:

Your insults don’t hurt, and I won’t give you the satisfaction of a post all about you in the future, because you aren’t that special. Just know my stand: your pettiness is noted and rejected. Please continue living your life as a minion of society, but I won’t let you drag me down with you.

Well, I still stand by that, and I don’t want to make this post about these haters and their comments, but I have a question for all you readers out there who actually respect what I do: what should I do with the comments I get that are from the trolls? I just discovered last night that I can actually edit their comments(!!). Should I leave them up, as they are? Or should I edit the comment to say something like, “Oh, yes. I’m a troll. Hummdy hum hum…doo doo dee doo!” Or should I delete them so they don’t have to sit there looking at us all funny?

I thought it’d be funny to change what they say to completely fat-positive comments. What do you all think?

Oh, and feel free to go troll hunting. I support it, as long as it’s witty and respectful (in the sense that you don’t insult any other groups while doing it…I’m not looking for hate, I’m looking for some confident expulsion of hate…do you know what I mean? Wittiness and sass are appreciated!).

Dr. Horrible

I know I haven’t posted in an age, and there’s no excuse. But, I want to post this to share the joy it brings! Jamie alerted me to it’s presence, and all fans of Joss Whedon should watch it, and anyone looking for something fun to do had better see it NOW!

It’s only up online until Sunday, so the sooner you go, the better!

GO HERE!