Fat Girl with a Degree

Receiving my Diploma!

Ay ay ay! Obviously, I’ve fallen off the blog-wagon because I just today stumbled my way back over here after a long last quarter in school and saw Jamie’s lovely post in tribute to me. That was too sweet, Jamie. Thank you so much!

So, I guess it’s not going to come as too much of a shock when I say that I’m now a fat girl with an undergrad degree! I hope this will justify many of my long absences from the blog. I can sincerely hope that I will update more, but I won’t make any promises, since I tend to get deepy engrossed in things going on in real life. I’m about to move to Chicago for the summer, and we’ll see how that goes! I have an internship with PBS! Woo!

Anyway, I’m a fat grad, and also a 22-year-old fattie. My birthday was the same day as my graduation. It was quite exciting. And, in case you’re wondering, it was just a beautiful and wonderful weekend. I had the honor of giving the Baccalaureate address the night before, and to top everything off, won two awards in creative writing at the Senior Awards Ceremony. (Pretty good for a non-English major, eh?) My family came to stay for the weekend, and that just made it so much better.

Of course, like everything in life, the build up to the end has resulted in me feeling somewhat bereft now that it’s over. But hopefully I’ll get my life in order. I have faith in myself and my abilities.

So, to end, I want to thank all of you for supporting me and reading this blog. I know we’ve gone through some times of radio silence, and I appreciate you all sticking around. Here’s to better blogging and a bright and shiny future!

A Tribute

I would like to make a toast, to a spectacular, special, splendid young woman.

Chrissy has been my best friend since the 6th grade. As of this year, that’s half our lives. In a few short days, Chrissy will be graduating from college with a degree and a passion. (As so often happens, the degree and the passion are in two different subjects. ^_~) In the 11 years since I’ve known her, Chrissy has managed to change and grow while still ultimately remaining the same wonderful girl I fell in love with. I won’t presume to tell you about how she has changed inside – I’m no mind-reader. But I can tell you that for 11 years she has inspired me to be a kinder and more compassionate person (though I’m sad to say I often ignored that inspiration).

Chrissy is going places. I’m completely awed by her mad videography skills. I’d lay odds on watching her documentaries on television someday. I am so proud to know this woman! When I see her face after one of our long separations, I know instantly that I am in the company of someone amazing. I’m not sure how one human being can be so full of exuberance and drive, but Chrissy manages it, with aplomb and dignity.

I probably won’t be able to attend her graduation ceremony, due to uncontrollable circumstances in my own life. But I will be there in my heart, watching a visionary, an activist, my best friend as she takes her first steps into the rest of her life.

To Chrissy! *clinks glass*

P.S. Happy Birthday, too!

OT: Tarot

The Fool from the World Spirit Tarot

So for a while I’ve been thinking about picking up tarot card reading. I don’t really know what got me thinking about it, but I got this little book ages ago for a stocking-stuffer or small little gift, or something, and it came with a mini (like the size of a dime) deck of tarot cards.  I recently found it, and read through it, and have since decided that I want to learn more about Tarot. The contemplative and meditative uses of tarot appeal to me a lot. It seems like fuel for an introspective, open and contemplative individual–a way to delve into thinking about problems.

So, I started looking to get started. Apparently, there’s a standard deck of cards that most people suggest you get, the Rider-Waite deck. Of course, I looked at it, and decided, NO WAY am I getting that deck. First of all, I find the artwork kind of dull (although the have since released a ton of variations on it). Secondly, it seems to be full of white men. It just…didn’t really speak to me at all. Of all the articles I’d read, you should pick decks that really speak to you. Most people recommend that you learn on the standard decks, and then move on to others. But I’m not sure if I can afford a whole collection of other decks. So I want this one to be really important to me.

So,  I started looking at other decks, trying to find one whose artwork spoke to me.

Now, I should explain, I believe in fate–at least to the extent that I enjoy when life surprises me in a positive way. I love the serendipity of stumbling across a song I love on the radio. I love the instances when something from one conversation or class I had seems to trickle right over into another conversation or class. I love it when the universe aligns in some way to surprise me. But I also try to follow my insticts. I say, “Well, I feel like this is right. Let’s see where it takes me.”

It only seemed natural to follow this same belief in looking for a tarot deck.  And lo and behold, the first deck I clicked on was the  World Spirit Tarot deck! This deck is absolutely beautiful to me. Not only is multiracial, inclusive of all genders (sometimes not even defining the gender). And the cherry on top: IT HAS WOMEN OF SIZE! It is said to be a vibrant and joyful deck (see The Fool above), and I agree. It seems like a great fit for me. The images felt real and personal.  It just seems so…right for me.

Anyway, after looking through a ton more decks, I ended up ordering the World Spirit deck, and am eagerly awaiting its arrival. I know that it will be different to start with, but it’s apparently based off the Rider-Waite deck in a way, though slightly different. Plus, they make me excited to use them.

Does anyone have any tarot deck suggestions for me? I would love to hear anyone’s stories of tarot, too! I find there are all sorts of people who come here with experience in so many things, so I’m sure there’s someone out there who loves tarot!

Blogiversary!

Holy Cow! I missed my own Blogiversary! Well, dear readers, March 26 was my one year blogiversary! I started this blog a little over a year ago, and here I am, 370 days later, writing my 97th post, with 703 comments, and a whole new community of support here on the intrawebs!

It has been a good year, despite my many absences as I finish up college. I’ve been very busy, as per usual, but it has helped knowing I have this community to fall back on. As I wrote in response to my post about My Biggest Fear, this community has been a wonder for me, and has made me feel comfortable in my own skin. Thank you all so much for all your support!

Post your favorite story on how this community has supported you in the comments!

Mwahaha

Okay, obesity police.

I just made myself a sandwich with both butter and Miracle Whip. And I ate it. And liked it. And didn’t worry about whether it was healthy.

Whatcha gonna do about it?

Oh, snap!

Meghan McCain is my Homegirl!

Meghan and John McCain

Thus far I’ve used my homegirl posts to recognize celebrity women who I feel particularly fond of at a certain time. Margret Cho and Kate Winslet, the past Homegirls, are women who I have been a fan of for quite a while now. Lately, however, I’ve found myself following the story of Meghan McCain, whose anti-Ann Coulter comments posted at the Daily Beast have caused Republican radio-show host Laura Ingraham to mock McCain for being “plus-sized.”

I’m not going to get into all the details here (though you  can find them here, here and here), but I’d like to say, Meghan McCain’s response to the media blitz now focused on her weight have caused me to say “Meghan McCain is my Homegirl!” I’ll admit that I did not follow McCain before now, and that I’m not a fan of her particular politics. But she has conducted herself with such grace, poise, and beauty that I can only be in awe of her. She recognizes the importance of her position in the media, and has stepped up the plate to say “hey, it’s not okay to say that my weight means my opinion isn’t valid!” I am proud of her.

Meghan, keep doing what you’re doing. You’re an inspiration.

For more from Meghan, here she is on The View:

Non-Fat Friday: Twitterpatteritus.

In response to last week’s WTF Thursday, I’m posting a Non-Fat Friday: Twitterpatteritus.

I just (and I mean in the last half hour) joined Twitter.

And I think I hate it…or wait, do I love it? I’m not sure. I’m pretty certain it just boggled my mind a little.

I can see its uses. And I can see how it’s glaringly creepy. But, if any of you out there are on Twitter, I’d love to follow you.

It’s addictive. Like crazy. And I feel like you all probably have more to say than me.

Each of these paragraphs could be a Twitter.
Tweeeet!

Discuss your Twitterpatteritus here, in posts of under 160 characters… : )

You can find me here.

WTF Thursday: WTF is Twitter?

Now, all of a sudden in my life, I’m finding Twitter popping up EVERYWHERE. News articles, blogs, friend’s websites, newspapers, tv shows, etc. And I have a question for everyone out there: WTF is Twitter?

Pretty much all I know about it is that there’s some sort of language to typing/referencing others, and basically, you’re answering the question “What are you doing?” (Because that is what the homepage of Twitter tells me.)

From what I actually understand of Twitter’s wikipedia page, you regularly update on what you’re doing, and people become your “followers.” Now this sounds like an interesting prospect for blogs/bloggers, but seems to be an increasingly creepy thing for individuals. I don’t think I want to be hoarded by “followers,” nor would I like to creepy-stalk someone else by becoming their follower. But the concept of “micro-blogging” intrigues me. It seems like it might be marginally useful, and at the same time be an interesting social experiment.

So, anyone want to fill me in on WTF is Twitter?

Becoming What We’re Called

Alice Walker

I’m in a Creative Nonfiction writing class right now, and for yesterday’s class we read Alice Walker’s essay, “Becoming What We’re Called.” The essay is about Walker’s reaction to a friend saying, “I’ll see you later, you guys.” to a group including her. Walker’s reaction is to tell her that she doesn’t particularly like being class a “guy” Her essay evolves into an insightful piece about being woman, being black, and being proud of who one is.

She then moves to a powerful part of the piece where she describes finishing Warrior Marks a film about female genital mutilation that she made with a friend. She describes the premiers of the film in many European and American cities, and how many women would call them “you guys” each night, when asking questions about the fim.

The women asking us these questions seemed blind to us, and in their blindness we felt our uniqueness as female creators disappear. We had recently been in societies where some or all of a woman’s genitalia were forcibly cut from her by other women who collaborated–wholeheartedly, by now–with men. To us, the refusal to acknowledge us as women seemed a verbal expression of this same idea. It made us quite ill.

For me, this is where the essay hits its heart: the dissolution of femininity inherent in “you guys.” The removal of the female gender, or the debasing of it to something other; to the masculine. I find this bit of the essay particularly compelling.

She continues, ending with this bit, describing her friend:

When I look at her I see a black woman daily overcoming incredible odds to live a decent, honest, even merry life. Someone who actively nurtures community wherever she goes. [...] I don’t respect “guys” enough to obliterate the woman that I see by calling her by their name.

I find this debate about the use of “you guys” to be particularly compelling. While in Ecuador and using Spanish, when I was in mixed company, we were called “chicos.” I have a particular memory of one of my male peers, an American, saying goodbye to a group of women at the table. He got up and said, “Chao….chicas.” with a long pause there in the middle. Then he turned to us and said, “but if I were still sitting with you, you’d all be chicos.”

We looked at him like he was about to get a beating, and he laughed it off. We often made fun of these language absurdities. But upon return, I found English similarly lacking. Now, I don’t know what to call people. I often say “you all” or use some sort of general term of endearment like, “hello, dears/lovelies/friends.” But I still don’t have the vocabulary for mixed groups. And it gets awkward. Especially when you recognize the fact that some people don’t even identify with male or female.

It makes me wonder, do we really become what we’re called? Or does it just make it that much harder to become who we really are, in the face of the normalization of gender?

The Obesity Epidemic: What Really Gets To Me

I am currently in a TV Production Studio class at my college, and yesterday we took a field trip to the local CBS affiliate to see their studio and how they run their 5:00 news. It was really really exciting for me. I just thought it was so cool–seeing how everything works, watching the reality of the show as it’s happening, and hearing the newscasters make snarky comments while a segment was rolling in. Very neat.

Unfortunately, one of the stories was a health story alleging that obesity is as likely to kill you as smoking. I don’t know what study they were citing, but apparently new research has concluded that you’re equally likely to die early if you’re fat as you are if you’re a smoker.

It was at this moment that it became perfectly clear to me what my major problem is with the “obesity epidemic.” What the news, society, doctors, medicine at large, etc. fail to acknowledge is that it’s not obesity that’s killing people; it’s the problems they associate with obesity. Under the title of obesity fall high blood pressure, immobility, heart disease, high cholesterol, etc. etc. etc. Obesity itself doesn’t kill people; all these other problems kill people. And whereas the scientific community would like to say that obesity=these problems, I think most of us in the fat-o-sphere are living proof that that is not true.

I also think that the large number of individuals who are thin and have these same issues are proving them wrong as well. My normal-weight (by BMI standards) friend has high cholesterol. Another of my friends (who is normal weight by BMI standards) has high blood pressure. The list goes on. How does the medical community reconcile that? They are just health issues. They aren’t caused by anything more than genetics, maybe an unhealthy diet. When they show up in fat people, it’s considered a result of their obesity.

I just will never understand it. It’s like obesity is a virus, like the flu, that’s going to kill you slowly. Or that your fat is just going to strangle you one day while you sleep. WTF is that? I’m never going to understand it.

On the other hand, I do have high cholesterol. I’m trying to get it under control with diet and exercise and medication. But it’s in my family history. My dad has high cholesterol, my mom has high cholesterol. Two of my grandparents (one from each side) have had bypass surgeries due to blocked arteries. It’s flippin’ genetic. But still, when I walk into a doctors office, the first thing I’m told is that I need to get my weight under control. Like weight will solve all of my issues.

It wasn’t until recently that I really figured out how to approach this whole deal (with HAES as my guidance): we, in our society, and me personally, need to shift our focus from WEIGHT to HEALTH. It’s one simple thing. We need to switch from treatments for OBESITY to treatments for particular HEALTH ISSUES. Although I’m sure losing weight will help my cholesterol, losing weight isn’t enough, nor is it likely to happen quickly. I can start right now to change my cholesterol by eating right, working out, etc. But if I were to focus on my weight, as the treatment for my disease is asking me to do, I doubt I would get healthier. In fact, I’d just have an unhealthy view of the world.

This all just really clicked in my head today, though I’ve been thinking of it (not in these terms) for a while. It’s all in how we think about things. Sadly, I think that in the case of most of our society’s health issues, it needs to start with mind over matter: get it right, then make it right.